


Rude Awakening: Drive.

by DIsaac (Allstar20032)



Series: Rude Awakening [4]
Category: Daria - Fandom
Genre: Comedy, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-19
Updated: 2011-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allstar20032/pseuds/DIsaac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daria, Jane, Stacy and Sandi are on a road trip to see Quinn in Columbus, OH. You read that correctly, "The Ten Circle of Hell" has been broken and crazy things are bound to happen! At WHUB, Jodie is on a power drive as out goes Robert and In goes a familiar face. Can he survive the craziness of WHUB or Is the craziest of them ALL?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rude Awakening: Drive.

**Author's Note:**

> Legal: MTV and Viacom owns Daria. I own nothing.

  
**  
  
Scene 1 (Show open with Daria and Jane wrapping up their last show before vacation)   
  
**   


DARIA: Well, that’s it for us. We’ll see you in a week.

JANE: Vacation here we come! This is WHUB Boston.

BURNOUT: We are clear and free for a week of crazy fun.

JANE: So, Burnout how are you spending your vacation?

BURNOUT: Bonnaroo, the most awesome music festival in the world.

DARIA: Who are you going with to this event?

BURNOUT: David and Michelle.

DARIA: So, Shaggy and Velma.

BURNOUT: That's not there names.

JANE: But they look like dead knock off of them.

DARIA: And their van probably looks like the Mystery Machine. I have money on you not being able to remember the show because of extracurricular 4:20 activities with Shaggy and Velma.

BURNOUT: Ha ha ha, Funny. I will......On second thought, you’re right. What about you two?

DARIA: Going to Columbus, Ohio with Jane and two other people to see Quinn.

BURNOUT: OK, I must ask, who are the “two other people”?

DARIA: I was talking with Sandi about me going to Columbus and she asked to go. I said okay, but only under two conditions.

JANE: And what were they?

DARIA: Bring real junk food, none of that healthy stuff, and her Ipod.

JANE: Why the junk food?

DARIA: You got to feed the driver and we are going to have some fun with everybody Ipod, including Jane “Celtic Thunder” Lane.

JANE: You are bring your Ipod as well, right?

DARIA: Of course.

JANE: What was second condition?

DARIA: NO MAKEOVERS!!!

BURNOUT: Who the fourth wheel?

DARIA: Stacy, who happened to take her vacation week right after her prank on Dani.

JANE: Have they even talked since that whole prank thing?

DARIA: Nope, I think she feels Dani needs some time away from her and since I was going down to see Quinn, I personally invited her along.

JANE: You know, amiga, this was your idea of hell back in high school; you and two of the former “Fashion Club” elites in the same place at the same time and you can't escape them either.

DARIA: And it’s still my idea of hell, but I went and said to myself, if I'm going to hell for some of the things I've done on this show - I might as well do a down payment now.

JANE: This is going to be fun.

DARIA: And the good thing is if Sandi falls through on junk food, Stacy will be there to pick it up the slack. To top it all off, she’s got a kicking play list, too.

JANE: Sounds like you’ve got a plan.

DARIA: It could go one of two ways: really fun or hell in a hand basket.

JANE: And I will be there to witness it all. Ready to go road tripping, Morgendorffer?

DARIA: As long as there’s no PB&J sandwiches, I'm good.

JANE: You're weird. You sit on one ancient PB&J sandwich and you are staunchly anti-PB&J on road trips.

DARIA: Me and PB&J don't like each others. That’s all you need to know, Lane.

JANE: OK, I'm packing me some PB&J's for the trip!

DARIA: LANE!

JANE: I’m kidding. I’m kidding

  
  
Scene 2 (Jodie's Office, Jodie has called Robert in for a meeting)   
  


JODIE: Robert, how are you doing?

ROBERT: I'm really uneasy with why you would call me in after my midday shift on WHUB.

JODIE: Don't be. I'm going to need you to work on a new project for our company.

ROBERT: Which is?

JODIE: I want you on the Afternoon drive on Star 103.

ROBERT: You want me to do afternoons on the classic hits station?

JODIE: (Hesitant): Yes....That is why I called you here.

ROBERT: I have been with WHUB for 20 years, Jodie. Listen, I know you are new here and all, but WHUB and me just go together. I'm not going to accept this change within the company - unless you can make it worth my while.

JODIE: What do you mean?

ROBERT: (anger rising on every word) I want to make this crystal clear, Jodie. I want to be the PD at Star 103. If you are moving me over there; then I want to control the play list. I have been with this company for over 20 years and when you are singing the praises of Daria, I want you to remember this. When WHUB was #1 in the city, I was the PD until 2000, when your company got an inept idiot from Wisconsin named Rally to be the PD and bumped me out of the way.

JODIE: Why are you so damn hesitant to leave WHUB?

ROBERT: Oh, don't get it all twisted - I got an offer to leave WHUB and go to another station. You know what - I should of taken there offer because I'm feel that I'm getting screwed by you, Landon. Don't screw with my money or my job, Jo. Bad things happen when you start screwing with people's jobs and their money. Why do you feel that this move would help WHUB?

JODIE: (Silent for a second): I feel this move can help our classic hits station by getting a well establish DJ behind the mic.

ROBERT: Jo, you didn't answer my question. Why do you feel that this move would help WHUB? Choose your words correctly because if I'm sensing what I'm sensing here -WHUB Radio will have large age discrimination lawsuit on there hands.

JODIE: (Angry as she answers back): I'll be damned if I'm going to be threatened by you, Sanchez. I can play hardball with the best of them. If you’re serious, come at me, Rob. I do bite and I bite down hard.

ROBERT: Your afternoon position offer, plus The PD position at Star 103. I'm not bowing down on this, Ms. Landon.

JODIE: Fine, I’ll give you “your PD position” and you’ll have to work afternoons 5 days a week from 3-7pm and mid-day on weekends 10-3.

ROBERT: (mocking tone): Good doing business with you, Jo.

(Robert walks out)

JODIE: (under her breath): Freaking jackass. I don't need your old ass on WHUB. I saw your damn numbers - you suck as a DJ. You belong with the rest of those old ass fogies over there at Star 103.

(Calling the front desk): Yes, is my 2:30 appointment in yet?- He is - send him in.

 

 

 **Scene 3 (Daria's Car, Daria, Jane, Stacy and Sandi are getting ready to roll out but Daria wants to lay out some rules of the road before they go)**  
  
DARIA: All right - now that I have your attention: I want to layout some ground rules that will make this enjoyable for everybody, mainly me.

One, keep all body parts in the car – Stacy.

STACY: I flashed one cop when I was on a road trip with you guys and you’ve held that over my head ever since.

SANDI: I remember that trip to that outlet mall trip before the slap where you flashed those college guys. You caused a ten-car pile up.

JANE: I remember that night at the bar where you flashed that guy for staring too hard at you.

DARIA: And I remember when you were at the Patriots game and you flashed the Jets QB Mark Sanchez to and I quote “take him out of his game”.

STACY: The Patriots won that game 45-3. So my boobs did do some good things.

DARIA:OK. Does anyone whose here name start with a “Q”?

(Everybody shakes there heads , No)

DARIA: Good I can skip that part. Three, No PB&J's in any form what so ever during this trip.

STACY: What is up with the PB&J embargo?

DARIA: They’re bad luck and I want to get there in one piece.

SANDI: Plus it's a healthy snack.

DARIA: GIVE THAT WOMAN A CHEESELESS PIZZA! That dovetails into four, which is also the biggest rule of them all, there is no such thing as No-Fat or Low Fat. We will eat lots of junk food that we have no business eating, makes load of fun slamming our musical choices and talk about the weirdest craziest girl talk topics that come out of our mind. Why? Because we can!

SANDI: I'm down with that after the week from hell at Channel 5 and sweeps month. I ready to cut loose.

(Daria's phone rings)

DARIA: Hold a second guys. Why the hell is Jodie calling me? You know what - I’m not going to be like my mom and answer the call.

JANE: Just answer it.

DARIA: No, I am on vacation. No WHUB business.

SANDI: Add that as rule five. No WHUB or Channel 5 business during the trip.

JANE: It's a rule! Morgendorffer first it. You just second it and I agree to it. It looks like Stacy’s on board as well.

STACY: Enough talk. Let's roll out.

DARIA: I couldn't agree anymore.

 **  
Scene 4 (WHUB Studio, Jodie show WHUB's new hire around the station.)**

JODIE: Hey Dani, Upchuck can you come here for a moment.

DANI: Sure.

UPCHUCK: What's Up?

JODIE: Robert has taken a new assignment within our company. He will now be working with Star 103.

UPCHUCK: Didn't the company do the same thing with Bing and Spatulaman a couple of years ago?

JODIE: (Stumbles for words) The company did move them from Z98 to Sky 93.7, but it's not the same situation at all

UPCHUCK: It sounds the same to me.

JODIE: Anyways that leaves a hole in the schedule. I have brought in a DJ from New York to fill it.

DANI: What's the new hire's name?

JODIE: I am proud to introduce to WHUB, Ted Dewitt-Clinton.

(Dani and Upchuck are in shock)

DANI: What! Is he here now?

JODIE: Yes, he is my 2:30 appointment so we can sign the contract to get him on staff here.

DANI: You do know the history of Ted and some of the staff of WHUB, right?

JODIE: No, I don't and I hired him because he is the best talent for the midday job. Now let's get back to making some great radio.

UPCHUCK: Jodie has to be very deaf to the stories around here, ain't she.

DANI: She is and she does comes off to me as a low-key bitch. I’m going to dread seeing everyone else’s reaction when they get back.

UPCHUCK: I wonder what the rest of the crew is up to on that trip?

DANI: Me too.

(Quick cut to Daria's car)

(Opening horns of “Jump Around” by Hose of Pain plays as the crew sit calmly then they go crazy when the song kicks in)

DARIA: (Singing along to the song):

Pack it up, pack it in  
Let me begin  
I came to win  
Battle me that's a sin  
I won't tear the sack up  
Punk you'd better back up  
Try and play the role and the whole crew will act up  
Get up, stand up, come on!  
Come on, throw your hands up  
If you've got the feeling jump across the ceiling  
Muggs is a funk fest, someone's talking junk  
Yo, I'll bust em in the eye  
And then I'll take the punks home  
Feel it, funk it  
Amps it are junking  
And I got more rhymes than there's cops that are dunking  
Donuts shop  
Sure 'nuff I got props from the kids on the hill  
Plus my mom and my pops

STACY: (rapping along):

I came to get down  
I came to get down  
So get out your seats and jump around  
Jump around  
Jump around  
Jump around  
Jump up jump up and get down  
Jump (18x)

(Whole car goes crazy during this part.)

JANE: (rapping to the song):

I'll serve your ass like John McEnroe  
If your steps up, I'm smacking the ho  
Word to your moms I came to drop bombs  
I got more rhymes than the bible's got psalms  
And just like the prodigal son I've returned  
Anyone stepping to me you'll get burned  
Cause I got lyrics and you ain't got none  
So if you come to battle bring a shotgun  
But if you do you're a fool, cause I duel to the death  
Try and step to me you'll take your last breath  
I gots the skill, come get your fill  
Cause when I shoot ta give, I shoot to kill

  
STACY: (rapping to the song):

I came to get down  
I came to get down  
So get out your seats and jump around  
Jump around  
Jump around  
Jump around  
Jump up jump up and get down  
Jump (18x)

  
SANDI: (Rapping to the song):

Listen to the sound that pounds, I jump around  
I'm no clown, I get down  
To the funk, listen to the wig out  
And step to the rear, dear, cause I'm here  
The p to the e to the t e rockin'  
The runs in your stockin'  
So hon, put the lock in  
Chillin' with the house of pain  
Blood stains the ground  
Huh, I jump around  
I'm the cream of the crop, I rise to the top  
I never eat a pig cause a pig is a cop  
Or better yet a terminator  
Like Arnold Schwarzenegger  
Try'n to play me out like as if my name was sega  
But I ain't going out like no punk bitch  
Get used to one style and you know I might switch  
It up up and around, then buck buck you down  
Put out your head then you wake up in the dawn of the dead  
I'm coming to get ya, coming to get ya  
Spitting out lyrics homie I'll wet ya

  
STACY: (Rapping to the song):

I came to get down  
I came to get down  
So get out your seats and jump around  
Jump around  
Jump around  
Jump around  
Jump up jump up and get down  
Jump (32x)

(Quick Flash to WHUB studio Dani and Upchuck talking.)

UPCHUCK: Knowing Daria and Jane they probably trying with all of there might to keep themselves from killing Sandi and Stacy.

DANI: That's probably a good bet, right now!

  


 

 **Scene 5 (Daria's Car, Somewhere in Eastern PA. Junk food is out in full force as Sandi asks the question that she wanted to ask but was afraid to)  
**  
DARIA: I didn't know you was a big fan of Mary J. Blige, Sandi?

SANDI: I discovered her music when I was in college. I felt as though every song was speaking to me especially that song, Deep Inside. Daria, I’ve got a question for you.

DARIA: Fire away.

SANDI: Why do you hate fashion?

DARIA: Sandi, I have nothing against looking good - but I do hate “fashion” because it is in essence, it's completely full of it.

SANDI: Tell me how it's full of it?

DARIA: Well, you have girls who are completely rail thin which the only way to get that skinny is by not eating at all. Last year, I remember reading that two models died because they were anorexic and it had gotten so bad that some shows have a minimum weight requirement, now. There is no amount of diet soda or no-salt no-butter popcorn that can make you fit in there clothes. None.

SANDI: The models I get you on that, but what else?

The designers are full of it as well. They will put the worst looking piece of crap out there to make the fashionistas tongue waggle but 99% of the good stuff you can't ever afford. They want your money to go to their next big thing for this season but it wont be cool next season.

SANDI: It seems you do know a little bit more about fashion then you lead on. I got one more question. What is Daria Morgendorffer's thinking about when you go and buy some clothes?

DARIA: Style.

SANDI: Style?

DARIA: Yes, Sandi – Style. See my thinking is this, fashion comes and go but style never ever changes.

Everybody’s got a certain thing that make them - well them. For me, it has always been my glasses and my love of orange and green which I later learned are called “Earth tones”. Where they get that crap, I don't know. But for the most part, my style has always been keep it simple - no muss, no fuss.

Jane likes to spice it up more often then I do; but I’ve seen her pull off a lot of different styles that I could never pull off. Surprisingly, she’s actually a fashion chameleon. But for her, it always comes back to the red lipstick, the three gold earnings in each ear and her red and black in some form or fashion.

SANDI: Interesting, But I must ask how do you know so much stuff about fashion?

DARIA: Did Quinn tell you she was a fashion reporter in Texas at her middle school before coming to Lawndale?

SANDI: Yea she did, So?

DARIA: I was the Fashion Reporter for the middle School newspaper. One of my article is considered a classic in the fashion world. The slamming of grunge fashion.

SANDI: I know that one. It was the one article that got me reading Waif magazine. It was by a girl named D. I didn't know it was you.

DARIA: That’s how I got the money to go to Raft - that and a butt load of scholarship too. I had the Montana Cabin fund as well, which now look less attractive when Stacy, showed me the weather there. It’s really bad in the winter and after some New England winters, I want 80 and sunny! Screw Montana! Listen, she doesn't want anyone really knowing this, but she’s going for her Doctorate in Meteorology at Harvard.

SANDI: Wow! I am so glad to have friends that are a bunch of brains because they get the money.

DARIA: Tru dat, sister! You’ve got enough brains to hang with us as well. Welcome to the club.

SANDI: It’s good to be in it.

 **Scene 6 (WHUB studio, Upchuck is preparing for The afternoon shift as Ted comes in and introduce himself)**

TED: Hi, are you Charlie Upchuck?

UPCHUCK: (looking down at his work): I'm sorry but Charles Ruttheimer III A.K.A Charlie Upchuck, is not available to give a flying crap on what hell you have to think, feel or say at this time. So, at the tone go away, Beep!

TED: (laughing): Funny, sarcasm. Good one.

UPCHUCK:(Looks up and gives him the once over) I don't like you and I wasn't being sarcastic right then and there, but if you don't get it I'll say it again - GO AWAY!

TED: I believe we have a lot in common and I want to know my co-workers.

UPCHUCK: (Looking up) OK, God. I get the joke. Someone just as annoying as me annoying me. You want me talk to him, don't ya. ( Looking at Ted) OK, sit on down, my show don't begin for an hour of so. What do you want to know.

TED: I’d like to know some of the things about WHUB from you, Chuck.

UPCHUCK: OK, Here the short story of everyone here at WHUB. I'll start with Mornings. That is where our PD and MD do there best work. That's Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane.

TED: Wait, Daria works here?

UPCHUCK: She’s the one that controls what happens on this station. Didn’t you see the big picture of everyone in the lobby?

TED: (Laughing nervously) I guess I didn't pay attention.

UPCHUCK: Now, you come on after them. I hate you because you’re replacing on of the best men that I’ve had the honor of working with.

TED: Now I will admit the situation I'm in sucks, but I will try make it right. I already have to work with one of my exes.

UPCHUCK: After you is the afternoons crew of Dani Moreno and Stacy Rowe.

TED: STACY WORKS HERE TOO! Where is that contract so I can get out of it? Two of my exes here? What the hell am I going to do?

UPCHUCK: Wait, you went out with Daria and Stacy?

TED: Yeah, hence the freakout dumbass! Let me guess they know Sandi as well?

UPCHUCK: Yep.

TED: Well I know one thing’s for sure, I will probably be running through my little blackbook for Boston.

UPCHUCK: You know they’ve never talked about you, NOT ONCE. They always said good guy, but only good for that.

TED: You know what Chuck - I got this. They’re going to be shocked to see me. Hey you want to see a trick I learned while in Orlando?

UPCHUCK: I'm a man of magic. Let me see your trick.

TED: Hey ….....can you come in?

UPCHUCK: That's Liz Siobahn she works in promotions and she’s filling in for me tonight and does weekend mornings on WHUB.

LIZ: Is this the new guy?

UPCHUCK: Yeah, that's him.

TED: Sit on down and relax, I’ve got a little wager for you. I’ll do a trick and if it don't work, I'll give you $20.

LIZ: I'm not kind of girl, Ted.

TED: Does everyone have jokes around here?

UPCHUCK: It comes from the top on down.

TED: I will make you say the name of your biggest crush, right now.

LIZ: You must be new, I'm “Chipmunk” around here. If don't hear Liz around here you'll hear that name too. It's still me and I’m about to get $20 from you - new guy.

TED: So you think you’re going to get money from me, right?

LIZ: Oh yeah, I'm about to get paid.

TED: OK, give me your hands.

(Chipmunk gives Ted her hands.)

LIZ: Easy Money!

TED: Now, you should feel relaxed and warm. Everything is cool. Everything is good. And the next word out of your mouth will be that particular someone who makes you feel like a queen. That person is.

LIZ: (like a shotgun) DAVID!! You MOTHER.. Ohh.

UPCHUCK: ( laughing hard) Shaggy? Shaggy? You want to shag Shaggy?

LIZ: UPCHUCK.........TED...........Ahhh, screw it.

TED: Here the $20.

(Chipmunk takes the money and runs)

UPCHUCK: You know I don't hate you anymore, right?

TED: I could teach you all of that and more, Chuck. We are going to change your look, and all I’ve got to do is just refine the system for you, but when I done with you, women won't know what hit them. We’ll start with a makeover.

UPCHUCK: I hate makeovers

TED: All great men do, Chuck. All great men do.

  


 

 **Scene 7 (Daria's Car, The crew pulls in to a rest stop in Ohio. While resting Stacy is catching up on industry news when a certain headline catches her eye. Daria and Jane are working on something else while in Columbus, getting a third person on their show.)  
**  
JANE: Hey, Amiga.

DARIA: Yeah, Lane?

JANE: I think you’re up to something that is WHUB business related.

DARIA: You got the wrong girl, Officer Lane.

JANE: Just spill it, Morgendorffer.

DARIA: You know we have been talking about adding a guy's POV to the show for a while now.

JANE: Yeah, I told you to think about it.

DARIA: I’ve been doing more than that recently. I’ve put a call out for the job and I think I found the right candidate for the job. He knows us, he knows the show, and he’s got the brain power to hang with us.

JANE: OK, Who is this candidate for the job?

DARIA: Michael Mackenzie. He does this sports show in Columbus and I plan to interview him about the job.

JANE: MACK! With his ex at WHUB as his boss? Tell me how is this NOT a problem?

DARIA: I have faith that Jodie can separate her personal life from her business life.

JANE: I thought her business life was her personal life.

DARIA: I guess that’s the curse of being a Landon.

JANE: Kind of like the curse of being a Morgendorffer. You have a cell phone glued to your ear all the time and you’re prone to being a workaholic as well.

DARIA: Remember when Brittney Taylor was a guest on the show and she taught me how to use my phone as a weapon.

(Stacy goes running over to Daria and Jane)

STACY: DARIA! JANE!

JANE: Whoa there! Rowe, where the fire?

STACY: At WHUB. Check this out on allaccess.com

DARIA: WHUB adds Ted Dewitt-Clinton to the Mid-days!

Robert Sanchez to become the new PD at Star 103!

What the hell does Jodie think she's pulling? You know what - she’s probably thinking, she can pull this move with little or no blow back on her. I know Robert and I got a feeling there will be a lawsuit coming from him just to send a message to Jodie. I know he probably got the PD spot, so Jodie can try to quiet this thing down and I bet that the call earlier was to tell me she was going to do this move.

I will deal with this when I get back to Boston. Where's Sandi?

STACY: She’s currently chewing out the Assistant News Director of Channel 5 right now.

DARIA: We can't stay away from our work even if we try our hardest, can we?

JANE: I’ve just been drawing along the trip. Very Scenic by the way.

(Sandi come back in from tearing a hole into the assistant ND)

SANDI: Aggravating. I leave and they can't figure out where to send a reporter to. What are you laughing at?

DARIA: Ourselves. Hey, have you heard the news, Sandi? Ted Dewitt-Clinton is at WHUB.

SANDI: May god help us all.

DARIA: He wasn't that bad in high school?

SANDI: Until someone thought it would be funny to give him the Kama Sutra just to piss off his parents.

STACY: The boy need to learned about it sometime.

DARIA: Wait Stacy, you gave him a sex book?

JANE: And here we thought you were all innocent and nice … boy were we wrong about that one.

STACY: Gropey sex is not good sex. I just wanted to give him the hint!

SANDI: Staaacy, he took that hint alright. You turned him into the Lawndale Love God! He can charm the pants off any women and they would be totally down with it too. Before it was said and done in high school, every girl had or wanted to do Ted Dewitt-Clinton. He did every Fashion Club member with the exception of Quinn, as she was with Jeffy. Every Lawndale cheerleader including Brittney Taylor that year who came back for homecoming. He wasn't on any sports team whatsoever but did more than any sports player ever could. That was accomplishment in itself and according to the men that I knew, he was the hero of all of them. He just knew what women wanted and needed.

(STACY laughing her butt off)

SANDI: What are you laughing at, Stacy?

STACY: (laughing): I'm having a very funny visual picture of Tiffany, OK.

SANDI: (laughing as well) I know why you‘re laughing, now.

DARIA: Just so I know who you’re talking about, who was Tiffany again?

JANE: She was the one that, Taaaalllkkkkeeeddd Liiiikkkkkeee Thhhhiiiss.

DARIA: (thinking for a second) Wow! I hope Ted remembered to drinks lots of liquids and take plenty of rest breaks. I'm about to put a scary thought in all of your heads. What if Ted gets a hold of Upchuck and makes him...........decent!

EVERYBODY: EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

JANE: Daria, That is a impossible feat. That can never happen!

DARIA: You're right, amiga.

STACY: Let's roll out and finish this trip. I can't wait to see Quinn.

  


 

  
  
**  
  
Scene 8 (Columbus, OH , Sports Radio 105.7 Studios, we join in the middle of a break for “The Show” with Mack Mackenzie and former Buckeye QB........ Kevin Thompson)  
  
  
**   


(Kevin walks in to the studio eating some chips)

KEVIN: Hey, Mack Daddy

MACK: Don't call me that and I have told you that a million times not to call me that. Why are you eating in the studio? The last time I caught you eating in the studio, you wrecked the equipment in the studio.

KEVIN: I was hungry.

MACK: Didn't I take you to lunch earlier to pay that NCAA tourney bet?

KEVIN: You did and It was awesome!

MACK: I'm still figuring out how you got VCU, Butler and UConn in your Final Four.

KEVIN: I know sports because I'm the QB. Butler had desire to get back there again, UConn ran 5 games in 5 Days to win the Big East Title and VCU was a lucky guess I ran with.

MACK: Is sports the only thing you know in the world?

KEVIN: Well yeah! So Mack, what going on with the Boston job?

MACK: I'm supposed to talk with that station's PD and MD on Wednesday Evening here in Columbus and If things go well, Boston here I come.

KEVIN: So where the station and what shift will it be?

MACK: Mornings at WHUB.

KEVIN: Woah! Daria's station?

MACK: Daria's station?

KEVIN: She does the same shift that your going to be doing. Let me look up something for a second?

MACK: Who would be crazy enough to give Daria a job in radio?

KEVIN: Found it! It looks your ex, Jodie Landon gave her the PD job and Jane Lane the MD job. Your going to be doing mornings with them.

MACK: Wait, so The PD and MD I'm meeting, will be Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane?

KEVIN: Yep! That’s your game plan.

MACK: They must be desperate.

KEVIN: Not as desperate as you are to leave Columbus.

MACK: You’ve got a point there.

KEVIN: Good luck, Mack Daddy!

MACK: Hey, QB.

KEVIN: What Mack Daddy?

MACK: I'm about to reenact that famous moment in 1978 Gator Bowl. I'll be Woody Hayes and you be Clemson nose guard Charlie Bauman.

KEVIN: Hey, I know this game! Isn't the game where Woody Hayes punched Bauman in the throat which led to the end of the Woody era at Ohio State.

MACK: Yep.

KEVIN: I don't like that re-enactment.

MACK: But I love it.

  
  
**Scene 9 (Daria's Car, Almost there. Daria starts thinking while Stacy is about to do something stupi** d)   


DARIA: (Thinking): Morgendorffer, You did it! You went 12 1/2 hours, through 6 states and you did it. You went through your hell and came out aces. Hell yea! I ROCK!

STACY: Cop! Cop! Cop!

SANDI: Uh Oh, gals, she don't have a bra on!

DARIA: ANASTASIA REBECCA MARIE ROWE! IF YOU DO WHAT ARE ABOUT TO DO, I'LL BEAT LIKE YOU OWE ME SOME MONEY!

(Stacy sits right back down and straighten back up here shirt)

JANE: Sounded like your “Mama” side came out, amiga.

DARIA: The trip has been good so far. I just want to keep it that way. I want to go back to something. You two did Ted?

STACY: We did.

SANDI: So?

JANE: Was he any good?

(both pause for a second)

SANDI: He was in my top 5.

STACY: He was my first real boyfriend. I have been dating for years and I haven't found that kind of connection I had with Ted. Our break-up was the biggest regret I’ve had.

SANDI: And in the same breath also my dumbest thing I did in high school. Using Ted like that. Just dumb on my part. But Ted end up getting me badly when he dumped me and went out with Tiffany.

STACY: Why would he torture himself with “ Doooooo Iiiiiiiiii looooook faaaaat innnnn thhhhhiiiiissssss?” every 5 seconds.

SANDI: You know, Staaacy, there was a move he could of done to stop all of that, right.

STACY: Yeeeeah, but she had that strange talent of talking with her mouth full. I wonder where she learned that one at?

DARIA: I learned a whole lot about “The Fashion Club” this trip that I didn't want to know about.

JANE: You're sure the club name was “The Fashion Club”? It sounded like it morphed into “The Passion Club” in Senior year with Ted?

SANDI: No, It was “The Fashion Club”, but fashion was our passion.

DARIA: Ladies, we are now in Franklin County and Ohio's Capital City, Columbus, Ohio.

STACY: Whooo! Let them be free!

DARIA: STACY!

STACY: It's legal in Columbus!

DARIA: You still have to go through Reynoldsburg, Whitehall and Bexley before you get to Columbus. So put “them” away.

STACY: No fun.

SANDI: I am really wondering when did you became a flasher?

STACY: Oh, Sandi, You are so naïve.

SANDI: And I would like to stay that way, too.

  
**  
Scene 10 (COLUMBUS, Quinn's Downtown Condo)   
**   


DARIA: And we are here, North Bank Condos in Downtown Columbus.

SANDI: Knock on the door already.

(Daria knocks on the door)

SANDI: I remember Quinn with all the long hair.

(Quinn opens the door and we don't get a good look at her yet, but the reaction of the four is of surprised and a little shock of what they saw)

DARIA: (Dancing around it):Hey, sis- Uhmm....

QUINN: Daaarria, You could at least say hello.

(Jane is measuring up with what she is seeing, Stacy is with a full jaw wide open, deer in the headlight look on her)

SANDI: Your hair?

(We get a full look of Quinn and what was up with the reaction. Quinn has cut her hair into a pixie cut. No more long hair!)

QUINN: You like it?

JANE: Bold move for you. I’ve been trying to get Daria to change it up for years.

QUINN: Jane, I gave up junior year of college of trying to give her a fresh look. She’s stubborn as a mule - it isn't going to happen. Wait is Sandi with you?

SANDI: Hi, Quuinnn.

QUINN: Good to see you here. Come on in. I got dinner ready for you four.

STACY: Where did she learn how to cook?

DARIA: Thank god, It was from Jeffy.

STACY: But your lasagna recipe?

DARIA: That's was Stoffer's, nothing come closer to home or in our case kept us alive during high school.

  


  
  
**  
**   
  


  
**  
  
Scene 11 (WHUB Studio, Staff meeting, Jodie is leading a staff meeting)   
  
**   


JODIE: Alright, Crew how is everyone doing today.

(Jodie notice someone is at the door of the break room)

JODIE: Excuse me, Are you lost.

GUY: Uhmm, No. Are you Jodie Landon?

JODIE: (Wondering) : Yes I am.

GUY: You have been served with your court paper. Have a good day, Ms. Landon.

(Everybody is shocked at what just when down)

JODIE: I'm sorry, but it looks like I have other business to take of. Thank you for being here.

(Jodie marches down to Star 103 and Robert Sanchez's Offices and blasts in)

JODIE: (With Anger Meter on 11) You fucking son of a bitch! What are you trying to fucking prove here?

ROBERT: (Coolly and Calmly) If you want to talk about this case you are going to have to talk with my attorney, Jodie. Here is my letter of resignation. I don't have to take yours or anyone's bullshit. I don't need it as I have a production company that makes me money hand over fist. I might be an old ass DJ in your eyes but at least you don't worry about me and sexual harassment case unlike your new hire at WHUB.

JODIE: (pissed): What the hell are you talking about?

ROBERT: (Coolly) The reason that they were so happy to let him out of his current contract was because in New York he was about to get sued by an employee at that station for sexual harassment.

JODIE: (Pissed): You know what, your bitter ass can go to hell. I can be a bitch and I will let it show all over you. Fuck you, Sanchez.

ROBERT: (Coolly) Well It looked like you already screwed yourself very thoroughly. With me off of the midday and not doing your due diligent on your new hire. It's not my problem anymore. I mean we already suspected you were a bitch. All you just did was confirmed it to me. I will see you in court, Landon and I bite too and but I go for the Jugular.

(Jodie wants to say something but just give Robert a pissed look as Robert is walking away smiling)

  
  
**  
  
Scene 12 (Quinn's Condo in Columbus, Catching up on what been going on)   
  
**   


DARIA: So Quinn, what have you been up to?

QUINN: Oh the usual. Taking on criminals, getting ready to run for Franklin County Prosecutor as democrat.

DARIA: You're running for office?

QUINN: You have to get involved in the community somehow and this is my way of doing that.

DARIA: Well if I did live here, you would have my vote.

QUINN: Good to hear. Sandi, You and Daria are talking now?

SANDI: I don't believe it either but she has helped me out a lot recently.

QUINN: How the news biz in Boston?

SANDI: Aggravating. People say they want a quality news cast but when push comes to shove they don't want it - they just want some crap that make themselves feel smarter. I'm actually thinking of a career change.

JANE: OK, I must ask a move to where?

SANDI: (Coyly): I don't know ….....maybe radio?

JANE: You want to become one of us?

SANDI: TV is good and all but radio allows you a little bit more freedom plus no power suits. There is only so much you can take in TV before you can break.

DARIA: Which station?

SANDI: Star 103.

DARIA: Robert's Station?

SANDI: Yeah, I'm actually in talks with them right now to get it rolling.

JANE: Welcome to the low-pay world of Radio, Sandi.

(Daria's phones rings, Daria walks off and answer it)

DARIA: Hello, Daria's chop shop, you bring it, we'll chop it for a price.

JODIE: Hey, Daria.

DARIA: Listen, if it is about Robert, I really don't want anything to do with that whole mess.

JODIE: It is and it has gotten worst.

DARIA: What did you do?

JODIE: Robert is no longer apart the company.

DARIA: Did he sue?

JODIE: Yeah.

DARIA: I'm really not the person you need to be calling.

JODIE: Then who should I be calling?

DARIA: The station's lawyer, Judith Reagan. Personally I think she REALLY don't like me. I don't know why.

JODIE: Wait, The World Burner! She’s a tough cookie to deal with.

DARIA: Exactly. She also makes sure the station don't get its financial pants sued off of them. You did a dumb move by not talking to Judith before you made your move.

JODIE: Dammit, you're right.

DARIA: One more thing, remember the conversation about adding a new male to the show.

JODIE: Yeah, You and Jane were talking about that with me.

DARIA: We have found the person for the show.

JODIE: Who is it?

DARIA: Jodie, I need to ask you on whomever we pick - will you be cool with it?

JODIE: Of course. Why would I not be cool with it?

DARIA: It's going to be Mack Mackenzie.

(Jodie sits in shock of the news)

DARIA: Hello is Jodie still there.

JODIE: I'm still here.

DARIA: I sensing some problems coming.

JODIE: I can handle this decision like a professional and knowing him it's a great hire for WHUB.

DARIA: OK, great talking to you and talk to the station attorney. She tough and merciless, but she get the job done. Oh yeah, Sandi might be stopping in to talk with a bout a job with the company

JODIE: I'll do it. I'll get Judith. Bye Daria.

DARIA: Bye Jodie.

(Daria walks back to the table where the conversation turned to politics)

SANDI: What is your view on this bill in Ohio, SB 5?

(Jeffy is wildly waving his hands trying to get Sandi not ask that question)

QUINN: Wellllll, Saanndi I think the bill is a piece of...(Quick cut to scene 13)

  
**  
  
Scene 13 (Jodie's Office, Jodie meets up with Judith as they talk about her lawsuit)   
  
**   


JUDITH: Jodie Landon, I assume?

JODIE: Yes, Yes...... come on in.

JUDITH: Before we begin I need to tell you how I work. I am out to win for The WHUB stations. My mission is clear; make him wish he was never born.

JODIE: Isn't that harsh.

JUDITH: Yes, but war is harsh. I know Robert and his attorney; I want to take down that piece of manure. I want to take down Robert as well. They are going to say, age discrimination.

JODIE: What are we going to say?

JUDITH: Ratings. His show as falling in the rating and when WHUB changed formats his show became incompatible with WHUB's new style. So to accommodate him and his show we moved him over to Star 103 WBST. We even made him a PD at the station to bring him in. After all of that Mr. Sanchez decided that suing WHUB would be a better move for him. He resigned without us even asking from the company. We would have wanted him to be a part of the WHUB team for a long time to come.

JODIE: That sounds solid.

JUDITH: It's solid because it's the truth. His attorney will spin it seven ways to Sunday. We will have the truth. We will beat him with the truth because what he doing is abusing our legal system with BS.

JODIE: OK, sounds excellent. One more question - do you really hate Daria?

JUDITH: (Thinking for a second): I just don't like green jackets.

JODIE: (Thinking): When they said she was crazy, they weren’t kidding at all.

 

 **Scene 14 (Suffolk County Courthouse, mediation room, Robert's lawyer has agreed to talk about a settlement with WHUB Radio)  
**  
ROBERT: Hello, Jodie.

JODIE: Hello, Robert. I would like you to meet our station's attorney, Judith Regan.

JUDITH: (whispering to Robert): I will crush you like a fucking twig.

(Robert shocked by what she said)

ROBERT: I would like you to meet my attorney.......Where is she?

ROBERT'S LAWYER: Eric, I can't talk now. Why? I'm with our client. Eric, I'll get the paper back to you as soon as I'm done. Goodbye, Eric (hangs up phone) I'm sorry, Robert.

ROBERT: This is my attorney, Helen Morgendorffer.

JODIE: Can I have a second?

ROBERT: Absolutely.

(Walks over to a corner to talk with Judith)

JODIE: What the fuck, Judy? Helen is his attorney!

JUDITH: And I have wanted to stick it to her badly since his last WHUB contract.

JODIE: So that means that they have been clients for years.

JUDITH: That bitch cost us money and stuck us with overpaying for his “so-called” talent.

JODIE: So what is your game plan?

JUDITH: Make them regret the day they ever messed with WHUB!

(JODIE and JUDITH heads back to the table)

HELEN: I see that you called us in to talk about a settlement?

JUDITH: I don't want to humiliate you in court with your weak ambulance-chasing style of lawyering.

HELEN: Funny, after that last contract, my client was VERY happy with my results.

JUDITH: So was Eric.

HELEN: Are you trying to insinuate something, Judith, because I’m actually surprised your Ice bitch self can get laid.

(ROBERT AND JODIE are shocked at what they are hearing)

HELEN: OK, What is WHUB looking to get out of this?

JUDITH: For you to get bent and drop this case.

HELEN: OH, that’s not going to happen. What we are looking for is a settlement and an admission from WHUB that you have committed age discrimination.

JUDITH: (Scoffs at the notion): We will do no such thing. In addition to Mr. Sanchez being a money grubbing bastard, WHUB did not let him go he resigned from the PD position of Star 103.

HELEN: I'm still surprised that you are still a lawyer after what you did at the Bar Association Meeting.

JUDITH: Those jackasses deserved what was coming to them.

HELEN: Robert, I would like you to leave the room at this time.

JUDITH: Get lost, Landon. It's for your own good. You've got a bright future, kid. You don't want to be here when what's going to go down goes down.

(Both Robert and Jodie leaves the room)

JUDITH: Oh what is about to go down is me slapping the taste out of your mouth.

HELEN: Not before I beat the living daylights out of the whore of Boston, Judith Regan!

JUDITH: It's so fucking on right now! (Starts taking of her jewelry and shoes)

HELEN: (While taking off her jewelry and shoes) I might look nice but I can scrap with the best of them.

JUDITH: Come at me, Morgendorffer!

HELEN: BRING IT BITCH!

(JUDITH and HELEN start going at each other like Ali and Frazier)

 **Scene 15 (Outside of the Mediation Room, Jodie and Robert are completely unaware of the epic battle occurring in the mediation room between Judith and Helen. They are actually talking like adults for once, to settle this problem)**

ROBERT: Jodie, I think we can settle this without lawyers.

JODIE: You think so?

ROBERT: I know so.

JODIE: What do you want out of this?

ROBERT: I would like to return to WHUB is some function. I don't want to be at Star 103. WHUB has been a part of my life for 25 years and........I would like to end my career there.

JODIE: Wait, are you thinking about retiring?

ROBERT: Yeah. I have been thinking about it a lot recently.

JODIE: I can't offer you your former job as Ted is there now. That would be unfair to you and Ted. I do feel for WHUB going forward it’s a good move.

ROBERT: OK, I understand that. (Thinking) How about weekends?

JODIE: That I can do. How about mid-days? I still want you to be at WHUB as head of community relations. Nobody has more passion for the community then you, Robert and I will throw the role of fill-in as well, that way you get first choice on them.

ROBERT: I’m glad to say that this is a good settlement for WHUB and for me as well. You want to tell our attorneys about all of this?

JODIE: If they’ve got their own solution, they'll call us. I am tempted to see what going on in there.

ROBERT: Let’s wait an hour and eat some lunch, then tell them. I love pissing off Judith.

JODIE: Yeah, Judith was kind of pissing me off too.

ROBERT: Rookie, You’ve got to learn that our favorite sport around here is pissing off Judith and her friend, Janice. Daria and Jane are sheer pros at doing it. It's like they know what to say and at what times. It's magical.

JODIE: Is it me or does Judith look like a dead knock off of Daria voice and all, but with a fouler and meaner attitude?

ROBERT: You should see Janice, she's a dead knock off of Jane, voice and all too, but not as witty and comes off more of a bitch. Also far less talented in art.

JODIE: (Light popping off in her head): That’s why she hates Daria. Daria’s everything she isn't, but wishes she could be.

ROBERT: Bingo! So what's the story with Ted?

JODIE: Last thing I heard is Upchuck’s getting a "lady-killer" makeover by Ted.

ROBERT: May god helps us all.

  


  


  
  
**  
  
Scene 16 ( A Bar in Columbus, Daria and Jane have escaped the condo to talk shop about Jodie and Robert and Daria's call with Jodie about Mack joining the show)   
  
**   


JANE: As much as it’s good to see family- You have to have some liquid help to deal with them for a week.

DARIA: Jane Lane, I couldn't agree with you more.

JANE: So?

DARIA: So what?

JANE: What was up with call from Jodie at dinner?

DARIA: One word, Lawsuit!

JANE: So he did follow through with it. What else did you tell her?

DARIA: I told her that I can't give advise on that and directed her to Judith, our station attorney.

JANE: JUDITH! Amiga, What the hell was you think?

DARIA: (Confused): I was thinking rationally?

JANE: By sending her to the chick that hates you and me and can't think rationally if it could save her live!

DARIA: When you say it that way, it makes all just sounds so irrational. Ready to interview Mack tomorrow?

JANE: I am...... but I got a confession to make, mi amiga.

DARIA: Spill it, Lane.

JANE: If Mack wasn't with Jodie in high school, I would of tried to hook up with him.

DARIA: So you are saying, if you were with Tom and all of a sudden Mack was single - You would’ve dumped him a second and tried to get with Mack?

JANE: I would. That’s exactly what I am saying.

DARIA: Jodie knew how to pick the good ones. You; on the other hand, not so much of a good track record on relationships.

JANE: Coming from a person with a even worst track in relationships.

DARIA: Touché, Amiga. Touché. I have talked to him about the job but really about nothing else recently.

JANE: A man like that in a city like this - He’s gotta to be taken.

DARIA: What if he isn't?

JANE: We'll see what develops. So how did Jodie take the news that HER ex is coming to WHUB?

DARIA: You called it, Lane.

JANE: So, she’s uneasy with it?

DARIA: Yeah, she clammed up for moment then said, I can handle this decision like a professional and knowing him - it's a great hire for WHUB.

Translation, My feeling are still raw about him and the end of our relationship. I don't like it one bit, but I will respect the decision of you hiring him.

JANE: So that sounds very amicable?

DARIA: I got a feeling that the nicety of it will end when Mack hits the door at WHUB and those old wounds are raw again.

JANE: I actually disagree with you, Morgendorffer. Jodie is a strong women and it would hurt like hell but I think after seeing him, those feeling of bitterness would be gone.

DARIA: So all the uneasiness is over the moment of confrontation?

JANE: You got it! Kind of like if Jodie said I'm hiring Tom Sloan because he the best at whatever he did. You and I would feel a little uneasy, right?

DARIA: It would be very awkward.

JANE: Exactly, It would not be an easy situation for us and it isn't for her as well. We need to consider that.

DARIA: I get it and I have considered it as well. Overall, Mack would be a good addition to this crew. It's just how to deal with that “Jodie Situation?”

  
**  
  
Scene 17 (Suffolk County Courthouse, Boston. After a three hour lunch, they decided to tell their attorneys that they have reached a settlement. But while they were peaceful, They were surprised to see inside the Meditation Room It was nothing but!)   
  
**   


(Jodie opens the door with Robert close behind)

JODIE: Ladies we have reach an....... (Her jaw is wide open)

ROBERT: We would like to run it over with....... (sounding like Joey Styles of ECW) OH MY GAWDDD!

(The room looks like 50 punks have ran through it, Tables broken in half, light fixtures are hanging crazy, picture are crooked and smoke is billowing from somewhere. Helen is in her red power suit one arm is tore off of her jacket her hair is in a mess. Judith's looking no better power suit is in tatters, her glasses are crooked, and her hair look like it has been through a blender. Both look like they have been through a war zone with cuts and black and blue bruises. They both have been fighting this whole time)

(They stand in stunned silent taking this whole scene in)

JUDITH AND HELEN: She started it!

ROBERT: If I didn't see this for myself, I would have called Jodie a dirty liar for telling me what I am seeing. I can't really put into words what I am seeing.

JODIE: Is this what we pay you for?

HELEN: (Straighten up her tore up power suit): My work here is done.

ROBERT: What about the agreement?

HELEN: Eric and I will take care of it tomorrow. Good day.

JODIE: Judith, I really don't know what to say about this.

JUDITH: I know what to say......SHE TOOK MY I PHONE! (she runs out full sprint)

JODIE: We should stop her?

(Robert points to the destroyed room)

JODIE: OK, then who should we call?

ROBERT: The Marines, The Army, The Navy, The Air Force and The Coast Guard.

JODIE: I thought you was going to say the Police.

ROBERT: (looking back at the room): There’s not enough of them for THAT.

JODIE: Should we run?

ROBERT: Yes and like hell.

(They run out of hell out of there quickly)

  


**Scene 18 (Kevin and Mack are at Buffalo Wild Wings and talking about his big job interview with WHUB's Dynamic Duo and the reason why Jodie is uneasy about Mack coming to WHUB)  
**  
KEVIN: Hey, Mack Daddy

MACK: Quit calling me that!

KEVIN: Sorry, Mack. We need some food.

(At that time a beautiful female waitress, Michelle comes and get there order)

MICHELLE: Hey Mack Daddy.

MACK: (Smiling): Hey Michelle.

MICHELLE: Studying for work?

MACK: You know it. I need 20 hot wings and Budweiser and Kevin over here will take 20 BBQ wings and Miller Lite.

MICHELLE: I have that ready for you in a couple.

(Michelle walks away)

KEVIN: HEY! Why you didn't go crazy and say “Don't call me that” to her?

MACK: Simple. The Ladies can call me Mack Daddy. Last time I've checked you aren't a lady. Unless, if there something you didn't tell me about?

KEVIN: Not cool, Mack!

MACK: It’s kind of like “Kevy” to you.

KEVIN: Only the fine ones can call me “Kevy”. Ugly ones can call me Kevin and leave.

MACK: I would be mad at ya, but I can't lie. It's the same rule with me. (Laughing) That is a good one, QB.

KEVIN: How are you going to deal with the “Jodie” question?

MACK: (thinking for a second): Very honestly and very delicately.

(Michelle comes back with the food)

MICHELLE: Here your food and Mack, you have some from me.

(She leaves)

KEVIN: Whoa! She left you her number.

MACK: And that why I'm the Mack. Oh yeah, Instead of Mack Daddy just say The Mack. It sounds better too. The Mack and The QB. It has flow and synergy to it.

KEVIN: That should have been our show name. I'm going to test you here. (Trying his best “Daria-like” monotone): You know that I know from High school and that you went out with our GM, Jodie Landon. I have to ask, what is the situation with Jodie and You?

MACK: Before I answer that was a good Daria, Kevin.

KEVIN: Thanks!

MACK: Well Daria, after my junior year at Vance the NFL came calling and Jodie was preparing to go to Crestmore Business School. I decided that our lives were taking to different paths and decide to break up with her. I was a Running Back with the Tennessee Titans until an Injury forced me to leave it behind. I had a communication degree from Vance and teamed up with Kevin for a successful sports show leading to why I am sitting here today.

KEVIN: That was good. I see you left out the part that you dumped her the second you got drafted by Tennessee.

MACK: I did that on purpose.

KEVIN: Good, you know the crap will hit the fan when you show up.

MACK: Oh yeah that is coming.

KEVIN: Quick question. You know we do this “Would you rather?” segment and I know you do talk with Daria and Jane sometime?

MACK: They are my friend on Facebook.

KEVIN: You would you rather do, Daria or Jane?

MACK: You first.

KEVIN: Daria, she was sneaky hot. Now if she wanted to - she would have out “HOT” her sister, Quinn by a mile. There was a quiet understanding with Daria and Quinn of you stay off my territory and I'll stay off of yours. Quinn went on her “smart” territory and after a week she snapped right back to her zone fast. So she had the skills to be hot, but chose not to show them.

MACK: I get you on that. But come on man! It's Jane for me. Blue eyes, red lipstick, epic smarts, a runner so you know she's in shape and an artist to boot. Add those up. That's winning every second, man. About Daria and No offense to her but she was a wallflower and Jane was running it. With Jane, you don't know what you are going to get with her and I like that.

KEVIN: And Daria was too close to Jodie?

MACK: She was like a clone but less driven.

KEVIN: So what If Jane says come and get it, Mack?

MACK: (Smiling): Then I have to get my play book out for that one.

  
  
**  
  
Scene 19 (WHUB Studio Everybody from the station is in the boardroom as Ted show the results of the Upchuck makeover)   
  
**   


TED: I Welcome you all and to Mr. Robert Sanchez, welcome home to you, sir

(Robert is there and nod in acknowledgment)

TED: Now I have heard a lot of you said around here I am crazy to do what I have done with Upchuck. His friend Robert said I'm better off giving a vicious pit bull an enema then giving Charlie Upchuck a makeover.

(The crowd laughs hard at that one)

TED: Today to you all, I have giving a vicious pit bull an enema and also moved Charles Ruttheimer III to 2011. Ladies and gentlemen, our promotions director and Evening DJ of WHUB......

CHARLIE UPCHUCK!!!!!!!

(Upchuck comes out with new look, hair is in stylish do, wearing a tan dress coat, red dress shirt and stylish jeans.)

JODIE: Holy crap you did a miracle. I've got to send a photo to Daria and the road gang of this.

(Back in Columbus)

DARIA: Jane, everyone you got to see this.

(Everyone gather around Daria's phone to see the pic)

QUINN: Is that Upchuck?

JEFFY: I guess it is?

STACY: Wow!

JANE: By George, I think he did it!

SANDI: Is Upchuck actually … Fashionable?

(Quiet in the room as they think about this)

STACY: I don't believe what I'm going to say but, Yes. Yes he is.

DARIA: It's a wrap now. Ted did the impossible... HE MADE UPCHUCK LOOK EXCELLENT! What is this world is coming to?

JANE: (singing): It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine!

SANDI: I can never sing that whole song for the life of me and it sounds like you can't either.

(Jane gives Sandi a dirty look)

DARIA: Lane, You're mad because she's right.

(Jane starts cursing under her breath)

 **Scene 20 (Jane, Daria and Mack meet up for dinner to talk about the new job opportunity)  
**  
DARIA: Hello, Michael, I'm Daria Morgendorffer Programming Director for WHUB.  
(Thinking): But you know that already.

JANE: I'm Jane Lane, The Musical director for WHUB  
(Thinking): And I soooo Hoping you are single!

MACK: I'm Michael Mackenzie, You can call me Mack and I would love to be apart of this team.  
(Thinking): Let's play ball!

Have you ordered yet?  
(Thinking): because I'm hungry as mofo

DARIA: I haven't yet.  
(Thinking): And after looking at this menu for 30 minutes, I still don't know what I want!

JANE: (Looking at menu) I know what I want now.  
(Thinking): Mack, naked in my bed!

MACK: I know what I having now.  
(Thinking): Hopefully it's a plane ticket to Boston!

WAITER: Can I take your order?  
(Thinking) I hope these three bastards won't be cheapskates.

JANE: I'll take the cedar plank salmon and a house salad with some lemonade.  
(Thinking): Because, Mama gonna need the energy.

MACK: I'll have the steak done medium with a baked potato and Sprite  
(Thinking): Call me a Cheapskate. I dare you with my $35 steak.

WAITER: And for you ma’am.  
(Thinking): She so look like a fish out of water.

DARIA: I'll have the Chicken Cordon Bleu with a salad and iced tea.  
(Thinking) I recognize what it is and you better not screw it up.

WAITER: I will be back with your orders.  
(Thinking): Assholes.

(Waiter walks away)

JANE: Well let's dive in on what makes Michael Mackenzie tick.  
(Thinking): And to find out the answer to my million dollar question.

MACK: (Thinking): Round 1 GO!  
To give you a little bit of info about me. As you know I do a show with Kevin Thompson.  
(Thinking): Also known as my own personal hell.

I am single as crazy as it sounds in this city

DARIA: (Thinking): Uh oh! Mack, Lane is coming for you.

JANE: (Thinking): It is so on right now.

(Mack now noticing the look in Jane's eyes)

MACK: (Thinking) OH SNAP! She just gave me the “I’m single and look at you” look. Now, she is giving me, the “it's on” look, too! Audible time, No! Stick to the play book, Mackenzie. You got this.

As you know there is a situation with your GM Jodie Landon and myself and I'll address it now.  
(Thinking): Here goes nothing.

After my junior year at Vance, the NFL was calling for me and Jodie was preparing to go to Crestmore Business School. I decided that our lives were taking to different paths and decide to break up with her. I became a Running Back with the Tennessee Titans until an injury forced me to leave it behind. I had a communication degree from Vance and teamed up with Kevin for a successful sports show leading to why I am sitting here today.

(Thinking): Thank you Kevin, You loveable idiot

DARIA: Was it a bad break up?  
(Thinking): You are hiding something, Mack and I will know what it is.

MACK: No, It wasn't.  
(Thinking): Not on my part at least.

DARIA: it was because your paths in life were going different directions?  
(Thinking): Why does this sound so familiar? Oh yeah, It's the reason why I broke up with Tom.

MACK: It was simple as that. It was just time.  
(Thinking) Please, no more question on this. I can't avoid saying I broke it off with her on my draft day.

DARIA: I understand that answer very well.  
(Thinking): I know it more then you ever wanted to know.

MACK: Let's switch the subject.  
(Thinking): I want to know about WHUB and especially, Jane Lane.

JANE: We would love to.  
(Thinking) And I would love to tell you about the crazy things I'll do to you.

DARIA: (Thinking): LANE!

JANE: (Thinking): What the hell, Morgendorffer! Get the hell out of my head.

DARIA: (Thinking): When you have been friends with someone for more then 20 years. You learn some cool tricks, Jane, like mind reading. I know what you want and if you follow my lead I can make it happen for you.

JANE: (Thinking): Damn it, amiga. OK, I'll go with your plan. By the way how long have you been able to do this?

DARIA: (Thinking): Long enough to tell you your dreams of American Idol will never happen! I've been reading Mack’s body language over there, if you make your move right you won't be back at the condo tonight.

JANE: (Thinking): You’re letting me take the lead here?

DARIA: (Thinking): Yeah and I got nothing else.

JANE: (Thinking): Now get out of my head!

 

 **Scene 21 (Quinn, Sandi and Stacy are sitting around Quinn's condo catching up on what been happening with their lives and talking about their glory days at Lawndale High.)  
**  
QUINN: I got the wine!

STACY: Hooray, booze!

SANDI: Filler up.

(Pouring and passing the wine around)

SANDI: OK, I have to ask Quinn, I remember Joey, Jeffy and (snaping her fingers to remember) Annnd..

QUINN: Jamie. Don't worry - I forget it sometimes, too.

SANDI: What did Jeffy do to put himself over the top with you?

QUINN: What he did was awesome and thoughtful.

STACY: I want details!

QUINN: Welllll, OK! You remember out of the 3 J's, I only invited Jeffy to have dinner with my family because Jamie was too dumb to bring around and Joey was too much of a player. The dinner turned out to be a complete disaster. So, fast forward to day after Jodie Landon's graduation BBQ. I was surprised to see Jeffy at my door after Daria and Jane went over to Pizza King.

(Flashback begins back at Morgendorffer resident in Lawndale)

(Doorbell rings)

QUINN: (as she is walking to the door): Daarria, I hope you remembered your keys because I not gonna be here.

(Opens the door)

Jeffy?

JEFFY: It's me sans Joey Black or Jamie White.

QUINN: That was their last names?

JEFFY: That is there last name. Can I talk to you, Quinn?

QUINN: OK, There no harm in it.

JEFFY: Thanks.

(They walk over to the couch)

JEFFY: I have been following you like a lap dog for 3 years and after last night, I asked myself a question?

QUINN: (Wondering): What could that be, Jeffy?

JEFFY: Why am I following you when I don't even know anything about you? I want to know more about you - other then you're in a club and your name is Quinn. You only know me as one of the three J's, but you don't even know my real name and what make me tick.

QUINN: I would like to know a little about you, Jeffy. I mean - I did invite you to dinner with my crazy family.

JEFFY: My name is Jefferson, that’s what “Jeffy” is short for by the way. My last name is Mercer and I have an interest in photography.

QUINN: Jefferson Mercer and interested in Photography. Don't say you do it to take creepy pictures.

JEFFY: Oh No. No. Nooo. Not that at all. Mainly people, places, and things that make this town interesting.

QUINN: There is nothing in this town interesting at all.

JEFFY: You would be surprised. So what about you?

QUINN: Quinn Morgendorffer, I'm a fool at love and life in general. I'm still figuring what's next for me.

JEFFY: At least you're figuring it out.

QUINN: (laughing): I guess I am.

JEFFY: Have you ever had your heart broken?

(Quinn is shocked by the question)

JEFFY: Have you ever had your heart broken?

QUINN: (Solemn): I have. Last summer. I had a crush on this guy named David, he was my tutor. I had a head-over-heels crush on him, but in the end he said I was shallow and didn't have the smarts to be with him.

JEFFY: I’ve been paying attention to you for a while, and I have to say this, he was wrong. I can tell you have smarts. There is nothing wrong with using your mind and feeling strongly about what you want out of this world. Whatever you want to do, I will stand by you 100%.

QUINN: Even if that thing is being a lawyer like my mom.

JEFFY: If you want to do it. Go get it!

(Quinn gives Jeffy a kiss)

JEFFY: Where did that come from?

QUINN: It just felt right. The bad news is you got a little less free time with Joey and Jamie. The good news is you got me. You're worth a more then a look from me.

(Flashback ends)

QUINN: And you know the rest of the story. Me and Jeffy were inseparable during all of senior year. We even visited each other’s schools in Columbus. He’s an Ohio State graduate with a degree in communication and became an award winning photographer with The Columbus Dispatch. I completed my law degree at Capital Law School and passed the bar in 2004. We got married in 2005 just down the street at North Bank Park. True to his word, he has stuck by me through good and bad. I would not be where I am without him.

STACY: Now that is love!

SANDI: I agree! By the way, sorry for mine and Stacy behavior at your wedding.

QUINN: Don't worry about it. You two made it a Barksdale - Morgendorffer wedding. I was hit on by a Catholic Minister at my Cousin Erin's 4th wedding of was it the 5th, I don't know. The police showing up at a wedding is nothing new for our family is what I'm trying to say.

(Stacy and Sandi are looking each others wondering what they just heard from Quinn and her family weddings)

  


**Scene 22 (Daria, Jane, and Mack are at dinner, Daria steps into a Wing-woman role to help Jane seal her deal with Mack. At this point so far so good.)  
**  
DARIA: (Thinking) Alright, Lane you got this.  
I'm going to go take care of a few things. I'll be back in a moment. Jane you got this?

JANE: I do as always.  
(Thinking): Good looking out, amiga!

DARIA:(Thinking): Don't make me go yenta all over you, Lane!

JANE: (Thinking): Daria, a yenta is supposed to be coy about her pairings.

DARIA: (Thinking): And you have the coyness of a jackhammer with me and Trent.

JANE: (Thinking): But you never take the hint. Don't make me handcuff you two then put you in a basement with him, “Saw” style.

DARIA: (Thinking): I would shoot you before all that would happen.

JANE: (Thinking): There was some moves that Brittney taught me too, Morgendorffer!

DARIA: (Thinking): Should I call the medic for your love escapades, now or later?

JANE: (Thinking): Hopefully, never! Now leave, I think he’s thinking something is up now.

DARIA: (Thinking): OK, I got the hint. Cynic, OUT!

MACK: (Thinking): I see what two you did there. Me and Lane, alone. I didn't really think she was going to make her move, NOW! What am I saying, she's Jane Lane, of course she was going to make her move now. Game on, Mack!

(Daria walks over to restroom when a voice she recognized stopped her.)

KEVIN: Daria!

DARIA: Kevin, what are you doing here?

KEVIN: Watching how Mack did in his interview with You and Jane.

DARIA: How do you think he did?

KEVIN: Couldn't of played it better.

(sitting down next to Kevin)

DARIA: I agree with that assessment. He got the job.

KEVIN: Cool. Why are you here?

DARIA: It looks like you got the best seats for the Lane and Mackenzie show.

KEVIN: Mack is totally digging Jane.

DARIA: Well the feeling the same with Jane. Jane would of gone out with Mack if he wasn't with Jodie.

KEVIN: I asked him that yesterday. He wants a challenge and Jane is a challenge to him.

DARIA: Jane is challenge to figure out for anybody. Mack might stand a chance. Who was the choices , Brittney and Jane?

KEVIN: No, You and Jane.

DARIA: Wow an fair comparison.

KEVIN: That is one of the reason I can do Sports talk. It’s mostly comparing and contrasting things every day and backing it with numbers. They never lie.

DARIA: I'm shocked that you actually knew what those words are and used them correctly too. I guess OSU can work actual miracles. Who did you choose out of that?

KEVIN: I went with you.

DARIA: Me?

KEVIN: Yeah, You! I know people. You were sneaky hot.

DARIA: What does “sneaky hot” means anyway?

KEVIN: It means someone that downplays there hotness to sneak under the radar. You down played it with the glasses, baggy clothes, and your signature green jacket. It looks like you can't down play it anymore.

DARIA: (Wanting to slug him for that last line): I'm glad you noticed.

KEVIN: You was so sneaky hot that remember that project we did for Barch's class.

DARIA: By the way, she is now the president of National Organization for Women in New England.

KEVIN: I'm actually not surprised by that. How did she became a teacher? I will never know that for the life of me. Going back to what I'm saying, Brittney, my ex-girlfriend saw you as a threat to our relationship!

DARIA: Wait, EX-girlfriend?

KEVIN: She's my EX babe. We were always on again and off again until one day last year when I got tired of either Brittney running to me or me running to Britt. That day she called and I cut it off with her for good.

DARIA: So Brittney and Kevy, no more?

KEVIN: I Should of cut it out in High School. But, we knew each other for 5 years and I was using her like a safety blanket for when things got bad. That's no way to have a relationship with each other.

DARIA: Here I am thinking I was going to get a brain dead jock conversation, but behold I got a smart conversation with Kevin Thompson. So are you single now?

KEVIN: I am.

(Good Daria and Bad Daria appears)

GOOD DARIA: Morgendorffer, Think about it you have NOTHING IN COMMON WITH KEVIN. Don't use this poor guy.

BAD DARIA: Morgendorffer, Look over there. Your amiga is getting the hint. Get you grade A man meat.

GOOD DARIA: What are you going to get out of this?

BAD DARIA: She’s going to get laid! That's what! When will she get laid if she follows your plan?

GOOD DARIA: (Thinking for a second) When she gets a good man.

BAD DARIA: We had Tom, Sam, Robert, Joey, Adam, Lewis and Trent twice! Yeah, we did it with some of them . But they never could pass the Daria test for the long term. I'm horny over here.

GOOD DARIA: Dammit, Why do you get to win all the time?

BAD DARIA: Because I choose my battles. Wanna to go get a slice?

GOOD DARIA: DARIA, GO GET LAID! I'm out, peace!

BAD DARIA: You heard the woman. Go and get you some Kevin!

(Good Daria and Bad Daria disappears)

DARIA: I got nothing else planned. You're busy tonight?

KEVIN: Daria, What are you trying to say? Is it what I thinking what you are saying?

(Daria shakes her head yes)

KEVIN: CHECK PLEASE!! ASAP!!

 **Scene 23 (Judith shows up to work and is brought into Jodie's office for the meeting)  
**  
JODIE: Judith, hello. Sit down. WHUB has decided to no longer use your services here. After the incident yesterday we can't deal with it anymore.

JUDITH: I going to destroy WHUB if it’s the last thing damn I do.

JODIE: You already have a track record of stuff we can use against you Judy so try us.

JUDITH: (Pissed): This isn't the end of this, Landon.

JODIE: But it is the end of your time here. Security.

(After security let her out Judith goes into Worldburner mode)

JUDITH: This universe is fucking dead they shouldn't of fucked with me in the first place....

(Right then and there a red sports car appears out of nowhere and hits Judith and sending her flying. After the heinous act, a black guy slightly balding on top, with glasses, a tan dress coat, with Black dress pants, a white shirt and boots, Walks out of the car. That person............. Is ME! De'Shawn Isaac, the humble writer of this crazy show “Rude Awakening”)

DE'SHAWN: Judith, Judith, Judith. You really thought I was going let you destroy THIS?

JUDITH:(moaning while saying): Go to hell.

DE'SHAWN: Bad news, you are in hell and I control the strings here. You see, Judith. You may have taken out Legionnaires, Ringbearers and unfortunate habitats of other Daria universes but there is one thing that you never faced.

JUDITH:(moaning while saying): What the hell could that be?

DE'SHAWN: You haven't met that Crazy kid from Ohio's Capital City, Judith! You haven't been In my crazy neighborhood of Rude Awakening. So I'm going to explain it nice and slowly for you.

JUDITH:(moaning while saying): You sick twisted...

DE'SHAWN: Ahh Ah Ah, Save your question and comments till the end. Simply, I run this. You are only here because I put you here and as you have learned, Judy. Mess with The WHUB crew or Boston and hell even Columbus, OH. I will take you out. I will win EVERY SINGLE TIME because I write this!

JUDITH:(moaning while saying): I Got to give the devil its due. I didn't think you can be angsty?

DE'SHAWN: I don't do angst, Judith. I bring THE CRAZY. One more thing. If anyone is going to take out this show, It going to be me! Bye!

 

 

  
  
**  
  
Scene 24 ( “Handling Business” )   
  
**   


DARIA: Daria Morgendorffer, That was the... SMARTEST idea ever! Who knew that kid was a master in the bedroom. Ahhh, that was why Brittney was so damn protective of what she had with Kevin. It was golden and she knew it was as good as she was going to get in Lawndale. I wonder how Jane is doing with Mack?

(Inside of Grant Hospital)

JANE: How's your back, Mack?

MACK: It doing better. How's your head?

JANE: It's doing better. (Smiling) Going that third round was a reach.

MACK: I promise not to do that move again.

JANE: You can still do that move but not that way again, Mack.

MACK: So when will I hear back from WHUB on that job?

JANE: You got it.

MACK: I got it?

JANE: You got the job. Daria and I were talking about it coming here to Columbus. We want you to be a part of the show - Mack Daddy.

MACK: Round 4 here?

JANE: Or the statehouse?

MACK: Main Library across the street?

JANE: I think we need to calm our behinds down or we will end up back here at Grant.

MACK: When you're right, Jane - you're right.

JANE: What happened to Daria tonight?

MACK: I think I know where she is.

JANE: She's probably at Quinn's.

MACK: That's not my guess.

JANE: OK, then what's your guess?

MACK: Kevin's

JANE: Kevin's? You have to be smoking something, Mackenzie.

MACK: Kevin thought that Daria was “Sneaky hot”.

JANE: No way, Brittney won't allow it.

MACK: She can't say anything about the situation. She's not even in the picture anymore.

JANE: What!

MACK: Kevin dumped her about a year ago. He's single and the girls he have been pulling lately are really smart and beautiful. Daria is in his wheel house. Hell, I would even say Daria built that wheelhouse.

JANE: Interesting. Kevin going for smarts in a woman. This world is going to hell in a hand basket.

(Couple moments of silences)

MACK: So round 4?

JANE: You know it!

(Back at Kevin's)

DARIA: Hey Kevin.

KEVIN: Yeah, Dar.

DARIA: How about a part 2?

KEVIN: Alright!

DARIA: My reaction exactly.

 **Scene 25 (The next morning, Quinn's condo, Daria and Jane got their coffee out as Quinn comes in)  
**  
(Quinn grabs a cup and pours herself some liquid energy)

DARIA: I thought you didn't drink coffee.

QUINN: Daria, Three bottles of wine make can make you say otherwise.

DARIA: The old friend, The hangover!

QUINN: No loud noises. Please. Did you two come in last night?

JANE: We didn't come in last night.

QUINN: Daria, you probably came in last night, right?

DARIA: I didn't come in until 8 this morning.

QUINN: Where could you have been?

DARIA: Come on you can put together this case.

(QUINN is putting the clues groggily together until)

QUINN: Daria and Jane does a one night stands!

JANE: Give the girl a cookie, she got it right.

DARIA: Here we stand just two cynics. You may think you're better then we are.

JANE: And that we are above an tawdry one night stand.

DARIA: But neither of us give a damn.

JANE: Because damn it, Cynics need love too!

QUINN: OK, Who did you have them with?

JANE: Mike Mackenzie.

QUINN: Mack?

JANE: Yep, give that girl another cookie. You have to hear who your sister did it with?

QUINN: Ok, Who?

DARIA: (saying this while mumbling): Kevinthompson.

QUINN: What!

DARIA: It was Kevin.

QUINN: Kevin? The QB? The guy least likely to do it with you due to his IQ? Ok, this world has gone crazy. How could he of landed you?

DARIA: We had a smart conversation with each other.

QUINN: Daarria, stop joking.

DARIA: I am not joking and crazy as it sounds - I kind of get him.

JANE: There is that spot at the sports station in down the hall in Boston. You think he can nail a spot there because he nail the PD at WHUB?

(Daria gives Jane a dirty look)

DARIA: Only because his friend was nailing the MD at WHUB and by the bruises, very hard.

JANE: We have our battle wounds, but we had crazy fun getting our battle wounds, too.

DARIA: Damn it you planted a thought in my head, Lane.

JANE: Do you need the brain bleach for it?

DARIA: No it's a GOOD thought.

 

 

  
  
**  
  
Scene 26 (Daria meet up with Kevin at a Pizza shop in Downtown)   
  
**   


DARIA: This is all strangely uncomfortable but it must be done so we have no bad feeling about this.

KEVIN: Yeah. I feel as though we left a lot on the table last night.

DARIA:(Thinking): And on the floor, the kitchen counters, the living room couch, and in the bedroom as well.

I understand that feeling as well. Listen, I felt like I used you to get what I felt I wanted.

KEVIN: You didn't USE me at all. I wanted it and I was happy with it.

DARIA (Momentarily stunned): The reason I wanted to talk to was... I actually like you.

KEVIN: What. Over one night? Daria, you are not thinking straight.

DARIA: (Thinking) Did Kevin just use his mind and is being logical? I'm being a horndog over here? No that’s not right. Is it? If he noticed it, then it is THAT obvious, Morgendorffer.

I would like to know about you, Not just the “I'm the QB” part. I’ve got to admit, Kevin, before talking with you last night - I thought you were the biggest idiot I have ever met in my life.

KEVIN: You won't believe how many times I have heard that before. The thing is that I have learn that there is more to life than football. I bet you didn't know that I have been involved with the Nationwide Children's Hospital as a volunteer. Kids just get me. I'm a idiot, but I’m a goofy idiot. I know who I am.

DARIA: (Thinking): Damn, you are just winning brownie point with me - aren’t you.

KEVIN: I'm actually looking to get out of Columbus and this Buckeye bubble. Did you there are some things I can't say about Jim Tressel on our show?

DARIA: No - I didn't know that. Like what?

KEVIN: Daria, I think he should have been fired for lying to the NCAA.

DARIA: I was reading that story. I thought people in Columbus didn't feel that way.

KEVIN: Some of the fans are crazier then Lawndale football fans and those diehards were NUTS. I actually got wads of cash from some of them for winning a national title in Columbus.

DARIA: Kevin, I think you shouldn't say that out loud. Listen, There is this sports job back in Boston. You think that you might be interested in it?

KEVIN: I might be? Try, I am interested in it! I want to blaze my own trail. I know about sports and I have my views on things. Will people agree with them? Not all the time.

DARIA: Damn, I love you.

KEVIN: What?

(Daria just realized she didn't think that but said it out loud)

DARIA: Uhhhhh.

KEVIN: I heard what you said and the feelings mutual. I like someone that doesn't want to speak down to me, that can think for herself and doesn’t need me to make them feel better about themselves.

DARIA: Thanks for not leaving me to hang there. I noticed something too - you haven't said babe to me once, except when you talked about Brittney.

KEVIN: I see you as Daria. You aren't nobody's babe. You are your own person.

DARIA: Thanks.

KEVIN: Don't mention it.

DARIA: I must ask, what degree did you get out of Ohio State?

KEVIN: Communications and I minored in women's studies

DARIA: (Running it back in her head): Did you say women's studies?

KEVIN: Yeah, I took it up. I thought hey a class with women. I want to study them. I already do it at the bars on campus. What the heck?

DARIA: That sounds like the Kevin we know and love.

KEVIN: I learned it was about women’s impact on history, culture, and life in general. Imagine a class full of Ms. Barch's next generation. Now I did have fun in that class and I did go out with some of them. A lot of daddy issue there.

DARIA: So you played the field with women studies students? Foolish, but bold.

KEVIN: That was one of my life experiences that only Kevin Thompson can only have. I learned a lot about what I really want out of a relationship and as the years would roll, Brittney couldn't cut it for me anymore. I wanted something more other then sex. I later figured out it was intelligence that I was looking for.

DARIA: Wow, you actually was thinking about that?

KEVIN: Don't let the degree and some of what you have heard fool you, Daria. I'm still an idiot of the highest degree.

DARIA: No, you have came a long way, Kevy.

 

 

 **Scene 27 (Stacy calls up Dani to talk, Scene opens as Stacy is dialing up Dani.)**  
  
STACY: I hope she picks up.

(Flashes to Dani's place and Dani picks up.)

DANI: Moreno here.

STACY: Hey, Mo.

DANI: (Down a little bit) How are you doing with your OTHER friends?

STACY: Good, but I needed to call my sister in rock to smooth out some things.

DANI: I'm listening, Rowe.

STACY: I'm sorry about the prank. It was rude of me to allow myself to dig out your High School pic. I promised not do it but I did, I can't change what happened, but I can work on rebuilding that trust in me.

DANI: Stacy, classy move and I accept your apology with a minor clause.

STACY: Which is?

DANI: A “no prank on each others” moratorium for the both of us for a year.

STACY: Deal. We can prank everybody else, right?

DANI: Of course! So what the dirty out of Columbus?

STACY: Ready to gossip.

DANI: You know it, Rowe.

STACY: The reason they are here in Columbus is to interview a guy to join the morning show.

DANI: They’re finally pulling the trigger on that.

STACY: OK, So they interviewed the guy and both Daria and Jane had a late night last night.

DANI: Oooh, getting spicy! They might have been at the bars?

STACY: They close at 2:30 in the morning. Daria and Jane didn't get in till 8:30 this morning. My source at Grant, Tori Jericho, told me Jane and a guy named Mack was there treating their “battle wounds” post hitting for the cycle, if you know what I mean. Mack was Jodie's boyfriend in high school.

DANI: You know if Jodie heard that, she would of flipped out. Mack was a NFL player and the reason why Jodie was so pissed at him was because she told me he dumped her the second he was drafted.

STACY: He dumped Jodie the second he got successful?

DANI: Exactly. So what’s the story with Daria coming in at 8:30 in the morning?

STACY She did something that you bet me a $100 she would of never do. You owe me a $100.

DANI: Nooo, Daria Morgendorffer did a one night stand? Hell has frozen over!

STACY: Yep and it was with Kevin Thompson!

DANI: The former Bills QB? WAY TO GO, DARIA!

STACY: Outside of that, Columbus is boring. What's the gossip at WHUB?

DANI: Someone is out the door and it isn't Robert?

STACY: I knew there was a lawsuit.

DANI: That’s has been withdrawn. Robert and Jodie are cool again.

STACY: So who's out the door?

DANI: That bitch of a lawyer for our station, Judith Regan. Was hit by a car soon after. It couldn't happen to a nicer person.

STACY: Did they find out who hit her?

DANI: They did and gave him a check for $10,000.

STACY: Why would they give that person a check?

DANI: It seems The city of Boston put out a hit on Judith. (sarcastic) I can't figure out why.

STACY: I can figure out many different reason why Beantown hates Judy. What else?

DANI: New couple alert, Chipmunk Siobahn and Charlie Upchuck.

STACY: Upchuck's dating? This is going to be good.

DANI: Him being hooked up means he has been on his best behavior.

STACY: He’s NOT hitting on every things that walks?

DANI: Yep, and from what I’m hearing he been putting in extra work in promotions lately.

STACY: Let me see what this text is?

DANI: What is it?

STACY: Kevin “The QB” Thompson is coming to Boston on The Sports Hub WHUB-AM.

DANI: Things are going to be interesting in Boston for sure. So what are you going to do about your “Ted” thing?

STACY: I'll face it head on. Like I should have done with you.

DANI: Alright, go get in on some of that wildness in the streets of Columbus. I'll talk with you later, Rowe.

STACY: Save some of that WHUB craziness for me in Boston. Love ya, Sis. Bye!

(Hangs up on cell phone.)

STACY: Am I the only one not getting some at WHUB? Oh, that will change soon. Rowe’s got some shaking up to do around there.

(Daria and Jane walks in)

STACY: Hey, Daria. Hey, Jane.

DARIA: Hey Rowe.

STACY: You told me the story about Mack.

JANE: We did. Why you asked?

STACY: Did Mack ever tell you about the timing of the break- up with Jodie?

(Daria and Jane think and run back Mack's conversation on Jodie)

JANE: He didn't mention it.

DARIA: I don't think he mention it at all!

STACY: There was a reason and Dani told me.

JANE: Hey! You and Moreno are talking again.

DARIA: I knew he was hiding something!

STACY: We are and Mack dumped Jodie the second he got drafted to the NFL.

JANE: Saint Mack, he ain't on that move.

DARIA: That was cold blooded.

STACY: Are you going to talk to him?

DARIA: Nope and you won't either Jane.

JANE: Why?

DARIA: I want to do this on the show.

JANE: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

STACY: What are you doing?

JANE: I'm warming up my “Jerry!” chant.

DARIA: Lane, you might be an target of Jodie’s rage because you did her EX without her knowing.

JANE: Eeep! Wait a sec, amiga! He's single and she wasn't seeing him, so fair game!

DARIA: I hope for your sake, she see it that way.

 

 

  
  
**  
  
Scene 28 (Friday, Daria, Jane, Sandi, Stacy, Quinn and Jeffy enjoying a last meal before the girls head back to Boston at Dirty Frank's Hot Dog Place)   
  
**   


DARIA: A place that can make a plate of cheese fries with bacon that good is cool with me.

QUINN: I'm glad you like this place.

DARIA: Wait you actually want to eat a hot dog after dad ordered all those hot dogs back when we were young?

QUINN: Oh, I don't go for the hot dog. I upgrade to the Bratwurst.

JEFFY: So that explains Lawndale Hot Dog Eat-Off. I won first place with 31 hot dogs!

QUINN: And you are still proud of that to this day?

JEFFY: It was my second proudest day of my life.

DARIA: First being?

JEFFY: When I married the love of my life.

JANE: Good answer!

DARIA: And saved from the dreaded couch.

QUINN: Now that you got me out of the way, When will WE (pointing to all of them) hit Lawndale?

DARIA: Soon. I want to see how Dad's is doing with Pizza King. He can do some amazing things with pizza. And they are all delicious as well.

QUINN: I still can't believe he turned one of Lawndale's institution into a national force in pizza. He hasn't even gone into one of his “Mad Dog” rant in years.

DARIA: Also a reason why I have held off on opening a pizza place idea.

QUINN: They're opening several locations in New England. He might make you and Jane become spokespersons for his company.

DARIA: As long as the bills are being paid.

JANE: And the free pizza too.

DARIA: Definitely, the free pizza. When am I going to be Aunt Daria?

QUINN: When will I be Auntie Quinn?

DARIA: Good comeback.

QUINN: I learned from the best.

DARIA: Thanks.

QUINN: Is WHUB as crazy as you say they are?

STACY: Yes!

DARIA: Absolutely.

JANE: But I'll say we are a family.

STACY: A crazy dysfunctional family but a family none of the less.

QUINN: So Stacy, what about the you and Ted issue.

STACY: Quinn, I'll do something direct about it and I will enjoy it.

SANDI: Don't lose your job over Ted.

STACY: It going to be Hot and Fun – kind of like what Daria and Jane did this week.

JANE: He is sooooo screwed.

DARIA: I think that’s what Stacy wants.

STACY: Get this! The newest couple at the station, Chipmunk and Upchuck.

QUINN: I think I remember Chipmunk, she was on the track team.

STACY: She was. She and Jane are still running partners.

JANE: She was good but I was better. Wait, Chipmunk and Upchuck are hooked up?

DARIA: I didn't see that one coming. Ted strikes again. Oh will it be fun to see what happen when I was gone.

JANE: So what about Kevin?

DARIA: Would you believe that he maybe my new love interest and that he is coming to Boston?

JANE: No I wouldn't, but it turns out that me and Mackenzie just work well together. I’ll see where it takes me.

SANDI: So I'm the only single one here?

STACY: Wait, I'm still single.

SANDI: After what I think you are going to do, you won't be.

STACY: Sandi, I hope you are so right.

SANDI: (Thinking): Once again, Alexandra “Sandi” Griffin is alone again while life passes me by. I want this to change and soon!  
 **  
Scene 29 (Sandi is at a hotel bar when a guy notices her)**

SANDI: Bartender, Martini please.

(The guy approaches her, The Guy is dressed sharp)

GUY: One Jack and Coke please.

SANDI: (Thinking): This guy looks like he knows his fashion very well. That has to be Armani he's wearing.

GUY: (Thinking): A fine dressed women like her here, I wonder why she got that sad look on her face? I'm going to go and talk with her.

Hi, is this seat taken?

SANDI: Go right ahead.

GUY: I’ve been looking at you from across the bar all night. I have to find out what your name is.

SANDI: The name's Sandi. Sandi Griffin.

GUY: I knew I recognized you.

SANDI: I recognized you from all the investment shows, Tom Sloane?

TOM: That's me. Damn this going undercover stuff isn't working.

SANDI: (Smiling): And sense of humor with it too. Wearing a Armani suit also make you stick out like a sore thumb as well.

TOM: That you are right about. I'm more comfortable in a jean and nice t-shirt. So why are you here tonight?

SANDI: I'm in town for vacation to see some friends. I live in Boston. So what bring you to Columbus?

TOM: Investor's meeting with Chase bank. So I saw you with a sad look on your face, why is that?

SANDI: A lot of thinking. I'm 30 and single and felt that after being an successful News Director - I'm feeling like a failure in love.

TOM: I think I can make you feel better with my failures in love. I dated this girl then after a while I started to like her friend. I ended up kissing said friend in car. Dumped the first friend went out with the other one for while until before she went to Raft and then ended up dumping me.

SANDI: That did make me feel better. I have a friend that went to Raft for college.

TOM: Who could that be?

SANDI: Daria Morgendorffer. She the Programming Director at WHUB in Boston.

TOM: And by any chance she's friend with Jane Lane?

SANDI: Yep. Wait you're THAT Tom Sloane. (giggling)

TOM: I am.

SANDI: Their greatest mistake!

TOM: So that what they call me.

SANDI: Well, I'm going to be in Columbus, one more day. Do you live near Boston?

TOM: That is where Sloane Investments is headquartered at One Financial.

SANDI: So are you single?

TOM: I am. Why are you asking?

SANDI: Maybe we can meet up in Boston?

TOM: That sounds good. What about Tonight?

SANDI: I got nothing.

TOM: Me neither.

(The show ends with Sandi and Tom talking)

  


  


 

  


  


  



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